i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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