Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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