I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
