I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
