it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
