eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
