like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
