The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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