he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
