I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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