I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
