Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
