To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
