update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
