I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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