i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize