Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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