i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
