she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
