He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
