I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
