We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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