and next time when you feel me up, do it right
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
