i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
