I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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