one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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