I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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