You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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