I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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