I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
