lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
