Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize