I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
