who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
