found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Someone signed my nipple.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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