Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
