Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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