I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
