i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
