I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
