I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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