you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
