The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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