could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize