I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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