just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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