It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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