bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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