Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
