hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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