he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
