he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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