This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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