Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
there is glitter all over my balls
So apparently I’m into choking now
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