I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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