I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
