We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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