You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
