That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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