i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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