may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
