in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
