i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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