Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
