ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
