non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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