yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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