You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
