Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
