Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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