Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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