There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
