I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
