Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
