it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
