There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
