I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
