i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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