Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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