i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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