hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
