I wanna bring you to show and tell
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize