Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
