Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
