You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize