He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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