i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
