after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
