I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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