Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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