Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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